The Gift That Once Was
by ellibells
Summary: Interpretation of the Season Finale when Chuck lets Blair go. "I didn't want to let you go just yet…" I never want to let you go… A perfectly broken tragedy of love. The beautiful mess that would always be theirs. One-shot. Hurt/Comfort/Angst.


Title: The Gift That Once Was

Chapter: 1

Author: Ellibells

Summary: Interpretation of the Season Finale when Chuck lets Blair go. "I didn't want to let you go just yet…" _I never want to let you go_… A perfectly broken tragedy of love. The beautiful mess that would always be theirs. One-shot.

A/N: After watching the season finale, I couldn't stop crying and seven tissues later, I decided I had to write it down. The emotionally crazy person I am decided to write this because I write my best (I think) in the moment. Just unstructured and pure feelings. I hope you will tell me what you think, because following another pack of tissues, I ended up with this. I recommend listening to _**On My Way by Boyce Avenue **_or _**In Safe Hands by Badly Drawn Boy**_ which was the song GG used for this scene. I think what is to come next will say it all…

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><p>Chuck Bass knew all too well what guilt felt like. But not like this. The feeling that was presently throbbing through his veins into his mind, into his heart.<p>

The way she looked at him; those deep, somewhat faded brown orbs seeking his desperately, clinging onto the only hope she had left. If she had any left.

From an outsider it would have merely looked like a young couple parting their ways. No one knew their true past, the true reason they were standing right where they were.

Just waiting for the nightmare to end. For the fairytale to start and take them away to what they had always been destined to have, what they should have been destined to have.

To an outsider it would seem nothing out of the ordinary, just young love, vulnerable and naïve. It was just that, but this love wasn't young, it was the stinging pain in the chest kind, the kind that lasts a lifetime, wherever each of them may be or with whom.

It was raw. Vulnerable and very much naïve. She, hanging onto what crazy scene she had created in her imagination and him, seeking out another way for it not to hurt so much.

No. Only Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf knew the feeling that was throbbing through their hearts as they stood, frantic for it to all stop. If only for a moment.

The only thing was…two people can't control destiny or the fate they subconsciously chose.

A rain drop for every tear parted, a tear for every memory absorbed as they stood looking into what was, what should have been.

Blair Waldorf knew love. At one time she knew it fondly. Two kinds stung in her heart, two men lingered.

The light and fluffy kind you get with fairytales….the fairytale she was already living, the right love. And the excruciatingly powerful and beautiful kind, the great love; the kind she craved every time she cast her gaze into Chuck's eyes.

Without having to say a word, she knew. He knew.

"This is your chance at happiness. You think you shouldn't want it because you've never had it and it scares you…but you deserve your fairytale…"

There had only been a few times in Chuck's life when he had been scared.

Scared when his father died and he didn't have anyone, he thought he didn't have anyone.

Scared when he was stood on the roof of Victrola, wondering if anyone cared enough to save what was left of him. She did.

Scared when the only hope keeping him near to Blair was stolen and the pulsing metal penetrated his stomach.

Scared to let her go, because she was truly the only one keeping him alive.

Chuck Bass had never experienced an all consuming fear like this.

"We make our own fairytales…"

"Only when we have to…"

If she could have closed her eyes and stopped the sentences dripping from his lips, she would have.

To kiss his chastely one more time. To feel his warmth console her knowingly just once more.

"Guilt…"

It sank into the air like a weight had been lifted.

"I didn't want to let you go just yet…"

_I never want to let you go_…

Denied from her lips.

Knowing they had grown made it so much harder. They could no longer hide behind their youth; their inexperience because no two people had ever been more skilled in the art of deception, deception of the heart.

Stepping into his touch only slightly, felt like home. A home she would never feel without him, but a home she would always have with her. Engraved into her body and senses.

Consolation was a small price to pay as his lips graced her features for only a chaste moment, remembering what it felt like when she took it for granted all those times.

Part of him couldn't bear to remove his hand from her neck, feeling her hairline ever so softly with his fingertips; gripping onto the only sanity he had left.

She didn't know how to let go. Letting her cheek melt into his palm like it had done so many times before.

Closing her eyes was the only way she knew how to keep him there, if merely for solitary moment, until her heart didn't feel so heavy anymore.

"Don't let anyone tell you, you're not powerful…you're the most powerful woman I know…"

She felt it slipping away as he let his touch waver, losing contact. She was a weak little girl searching for answers to questions even she didn't know.

"It's talking all the power I have to walk away from you…"

Hearts were bleeding because in his, he knew what it felt like. The power of losing her, losing him, losing what they had.

"I know…"

There was not a single word for the emotion that swept through his body as he anticipated the next sentence.

There didn't need to be because she could see it in his eyes, he could see it in hers as droplets of silver formed and fell ever so innocently, unlawfully.

"…but I need to let you go…"

She could no longer lock his gaze. That only meant one thing, the thing she had no intentions of wanting, the thing she had no authority to stop. The truth.

"…you need to let go…"

Nothing more than pure desire pulsed for her to let go. Let go of the guilt and the heartache but there was no way of knowing how to do that, not even he knew.

"…I will always love you…"

"…I will always love you…"

He couldn't help but smile, even if it was ever so slightly. There would never be an instance when he didn't cherish her pronouncing those words.

The moment that let him know that he would never be lost in her heart or soul. That she would be never lost in his.

His smile was confirmation enough. Enough to light a city. Enough to light her heart with the gift he had given her willingly by loving her.

She had been given the only gift she had ever needed. It wasn't a diamond necklace, an expensive dress, a box of macaroons or even a bunch of her favourite peonies. It was him.

He became the man she always knew he was destined to be. The man she would always be destined to love.

Without even knowing it, he had seen her become the strong woman he always loved and saw in her even when she didn't. He saw Blair Waldorf.

The _only _love of his life.

Here is the deepest secret no one knows… they would never let go. Always so far attached yet so far apart.

Chuck Bass would always carry Blair Waldorf's heart in his heart. She would always carry his.

It took all the strength she had in her petit frame to walk away from the lonely _man_ standing in front of her. The man who she had once fallen for as a boy, the man she would always be fallen for.

He felt her presence shift as she felt his disappear from her. The presence that could be easily filled with a simple greeting, but a presence that could never be replaced when he could no longer hold her as his.

Chuck heard no voice apart from hers, the one voice he only ever wanted to hear.

He was resolved to watch her walk away from the mess they had both created, the beautiful mess that would always be theirs.

That was the mere acceptance he had left to bare. His stomach ached from the pain he would have once called butterflies. Maybe he still did, but now more than ever, he was scared.

Scared to live without the person who had saved him from himself.

Chuck Bass would never wish this moment on anyone, not even his worst enemy.

The worst thing wasn't losing himself; it was losing Blair Waldorf to a man that made her happy, in the right way. Not the _great _way.

Blair Waldorf dared herself to not look back, back into the past and back into the eyes of the great man she loved, would always love.

The sole purpose gripping her back to reality was his eyes, she felt burning in her direction as she walked away for the last time.

Chuck Bass let a tear slip from his embrace; the prison he had made for it as he acknowledged her, allowing himself to know that she would be happy, even if it was just a simple pleasure.

Two people matched and moulded to be so perfectly broken; leaving each other with the one gift they had both learnt and taught. Love.

_I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart_

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><p>AN: I'm not sure if any of you noticed by I adapted my favourite poem into this. 'I carry your heart' by ee Cummings. This poem was made perfectly for Chair and I love it, so I couldn't help but adapt in here. R&R peeps, thank you.


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